Coming to my mat today my brain was racing. I couldn't stop the thoughts worries concerns fears...
During the first pose of class - laying on our backs - the teacher encouraged the class to breathe and focus on the present moment, but I couldn't. Instead I struggled.
Thoughts and questions kept popping up. Ideas sprang forward. Worries circled in my peripheral vision. Fears crouched in the shadows. Concerns blanked everything like a layer of snow.
I fought against my thoughts and worries and tried slaying them one after another. This isn't a new technique - it's one that I fall back on in moments where my mind is spiraling. It never works though. Thankfully I knew deep down that fighting against mySelf wasn't going to help, and after a few moments I just let myself be.
I stopped trying. Instead, I took a HUGE step back from what was going on in my mind and my heart and I just observed.
As we began to move, I began focusing on my breath. Inhale. Exhale. Over and over my I let each breath wash over me and slowly the thought explosion began to subside, began to quiet. I found each breath linked to a movement and each movement liked to spaciousness inside of me.
Slowly I was letting go. I was releasing thoughts, emotions, and fears. I was choosing inner stillness to allow my body to move freely. And it was just what I needed.
Each pose was a chance to let go of everything else and to be fully immersed and focused.
Each breath was an opportunity to be completely alive.
Each moment was a gift to connect to reality and to my true self.
Right there. Right then.
After the fourth salutation, while standing tall in Mountain Pose (Tadasana) I came fully and completely on to my mat. It wasn't an easy journey, letting go rarely is, but the relief, openness and presence I felt at that moment made it worth it. And as I continued moving and breathing I continued to JUST BE.