Desiring Balance
You can't do it all. I can't either. Even though I often forget this fact. There are only so many hours in the day. There is only so much energy to give... before you're depleted, before you're running on empty, before you're stopped with no energy to get going again. It's a notion I've grown intimately familiar with, especially over the last month or so.
See, I started a new job about one month ago. I am so happy to say that I am now a full-time Personal Trainer and Yoga Director at Fitness Unlimited.
Thankfully I went into it realizing that with such a big leap I was going to need to devote more energy to this than anything else. I was going to need to jump with both feet in. I couldn't just dabble or half ass it, I really had to sink my teeth into the opportunity to make it worthwhile and to become the person, the professional, I wanted to be and knew I could become.
I even said it out loud :::: I was going to be extremely mindful of my energy and schedule. I was saying a wholehearted YES to my new role.
To be clear, even though I was saying yes to this new opportunity I wasn't going to give up all of my old classes and obligations - it didn't make sense to do that if I was going to be slowly getting new clients and my hours were slowly going to increase. Plus, I didn't want to give up all of my classes and clients. But everything else would have to be put on hold. In fact, I even took all of my other projects - the books I had started, the projects I had brainstormed, the ideas that were little seeds waiting for water - and literally put them away. In a folder. With the sincere promise to return to them again when I had energy to give to them.
Since my first day at Fitness Unlimited I have said YES to every new client, every new opportunity, every project and idea, and I have put my heart and energy into this new opportunity, to help it become a success - not just on paper but in my mind, in my life. And after doing all of this for nearly 6 weeks I've come to realize that it is too much. Even though the projects are in the folder, and I've been saying NO to everything that isn't related to my main focus, I've come to realize that it's still too much.
To be totally honest though I'm not sure what to give up. What to take off my plate. I feel like my plate isn't even a plate - it's a buffet table. I have this beautiful spread with different offerings that nourish, empower, challenge and feel right. And everything fits on the table technically. But in terms of energy it doesn't fit - I'm sharing too much, I'm giving too much, I'm not nourishing enough. I don't have a final answer, or a nice wrap up to this article. I just felt the need to share - even though it's hard being vulnerable like this. Don't we all like to think of ourselves as strong and capable of everything and anything?
Since I'm not sure what I want to do or what the future is going to look like I have decided not to force a decision right now. It seems silly to mold something that is not ready to be molded.
Instead, I am simply going to continue living each day with as much mindfulness, balance, and joy that I can. I am going to let things unfold naturally and make the best decisions I can along the way. I am going to trust, myself and the universe and know that it will all work out.
